A Man Hitchhiking On A Comet, Waving...
A man, hitchhiking on a comet, waving...
...wearing suspenders and talking in a "kooky" foreign accent.
Horrible!
A police car drives through a giant donut. It's romantic comedy.
Two hillbillies are talking and spitting tobacco juice over opposite sides of an infinite-dimensional county line. "Well now, our population over in this-a-here dimension is just one, and we're pretty durn proud of it." The other hillbilly stops and thinks for a minute and says, "Well, our population over in this-a-here dimension is fully two, and we're even more proud of it." Suddenly a man waves from a comet overhead. "Man, that ain't nothing," he remarks and spits. "Hell, boys, up in this-a-here dimension we even got ourselves a squad car."
Extra bonus punchline: Suddenly a bedraggled-looking, barely existent hillbilly limps out from his dimensional porthole to the county line and says, "Well, I tell you, it's still 'population zero' out in my neck of the woods," then dispatches a dotted-line jug of moonshine in a single gulp.
"Say over there, how's things over on your comet?" asks the first hitchhiker. "Well, things are pretty fair over here, I guess," answers the second hitchhiker. "I been doing me a lot of Alpine yodeling and that suits me just fine." "Well now, the same thing done been a-happening to me, too," says the first hitchhiker. "Of course, this sure cuts back on my ability to pull people over and write tickets."
A man is hurtling through space at a high velocity. He says to himself: "Well now, I may very well be oddly proportioned, socially dysfunctional, and generally lacking in muscle tonus, but I am now traveling at near-light speed, and I know that this will impress any woman alive." At once a schoolbus comet appears in front of him with flashing red lights: "STOP... STOP... STOP.." "Aw, hell," he says, pulling his handbrake ruefully. "Just when I think I've got things worked out perfect, there's always some damn thing to come along and mess me up."
***Comet Joke "Building Blocks", In No Particular Order***
"Hey, you know whut?" "You know, I done got me a traffic ticket t' other day offen a comet squad car." "Well, no kidding. I just now had the same thing happen. What'd you do?"
"Whut's that?"
"Say, I'll be damned. Me, I was drunk and barely missed hitting the Earth and bounced straight agin' a telephone pole."
"Yodeling? Gee, and I thought I was athletic."
The guy on the other comet looks across to him and says, "Hey, you gonna eat that?"
"Infinite variables? Hell, I can barely make enough to keep myself in liquor, automobiles, and telephone poles."
Well, upon hearing the resulting joke, the audience starts to laugh so hard that they begin to lose their very sense, and set themselves to running throughout the concert hall searching for Osama bin Laden. All of a sudden: "He's over here! We sure got 'im now!" somebody cries. One guy is holding him up by the scruff of his neck while the audience gathers around. "Now, lissen, you old bin Laden," says the audience's leader sternly. "We're a-liking thisahere joke so much that we're a-gonna let you go. But you better consider yourself real lucky that it was so doggone funny." They release him and he runs out of the concert hall, hops on a nearby comet, and flies off.
I have errands three days a week. On the first day, I go out to buy liquor. On the second day, I head out on foot to buy a new automobile to replace the one I crashed into a telephone pole while going out to buy liquor on the first day. On the third, I get out of jail after posting bail for walking down the center of the highway on my way to buy an automobile. On the fourth, I retrieve my wrecked automobile from the tow yard and drive it home, carelessly smashing it into my new one. By the fifth day, I have run dangerously low on liquor and must make plans to replenish before things have strayed significantly from their proper three-day course.
(climbs onto comet, waves jovially, flies off)
Just the other day, whilst fastidiously maintaining a deep and protracted stupor, I was visited on a my favorite curb by a powerful spiritual entity. "You have impressed me well, Lester Vergiss, with your selfless dedication to a life of absolute purity, and I will now grant you one wish." "Immortality," I replied, "so that I might then achieve eternal sleep."
(steers comet into telephone pole, climbs out, staggers down street to another comet, flies off again)
...wearing suspenders and talking in a "kooky" foreign accent.
Horrible!
A police car drives through a giant donut. It's romantic comedy.
Two hillbillies are talking and spitting tobacco juice over opposite sides of an infinite-dimensional county line. "Well now, our population over in this-a-here dimension is just one, and we're pretty durn proud of it." The other hillbilly stops and thinks for a minute and says, "Well, our population over in this-a-here dimension is fully two, and we're even more proud of it." Suddenly a man waves from a comet overhead. "Man, that ain't nothing," he remarks and spits. "Hell, boys, up in this-a-here dimension we even got ourselves a squad car."
Extra bonus punchline: Suddenly a bedraggled-looking, barely existent hillbilly limps out from his dimensional porthole to the county line and says, "Well, I tell you, it's still 'population zero' out in my neck of the woods," then dispatches a dotted-line jug of moonshine in a single gulp.
"Say over there, how's things over on your comet?" asks the first hitchhiker. "Well, things are pretty fair over here, I guess," answers the second hitchhiker. "I been doing me a lot of Alpine yodeling and that suits me just fine." "Well now, the same thing done been a-happening to me, too," says the first hitchhiker. "Of course, this sure cuts back on my ability to pull people over and write tickets."
A man is hurtling through space at a high velocity. He says to himself: "Well now, I may very well be oddly proportioned, socially dysfunctional, and generally lacking in muscle tonus, but I am now traveling at near-light speed, and I know that this will impress any woman alive." At once a schoolbus comet appears in front of him with flashing red lights: "STOP... STOP... STOP.." "Aw, hell," he says, pulling his handbrake ruefully. "Just when I think I've got things worked out perfect, there's always some damn thing to come along and mess me up."
***Comet Joke "Building Blocks", In No Particular Order***
"Hey, you know whut?" "You know, I done got me a traffic ticket t' other day offen a comet squad car." "Well, no kidding. I just now had the same thing happen. What'd you do?"
"Whut's that?"
"Say, I'll be damned. Me, I was drunk and barely missed hitting the Earth and bounced straight agin' a telephone pole."
"Yodeling? Gee, and I thought I was athletic."
The guy on the other comet looks across to him and says, "Hey, you gonna eat that?"
"Infinite variables? Hell, I can barely make enough to keep myself in liquor, automobiles, and telephone poles."
Well, upon hearing the resulting joke, the audience starts to laugh so hard that they begin to lose their very sense, and set themselves to running throughout the concert hall searching for Osama bin Laden. All of a sudden: "He's over here! We sure got 'im now!" somebody cries. One guy is holding him up by the scruff of his neck while the audience gathers around. "Now, lissen, you old bin Laden," says the audience's leader sternly. "We're a-liking thisahere joke so much that we're a-gonna let you go. But you better consider yourself real lucky that it was so doggone funny." They release him and he runs out of the concert hall, hops on a nearby comet, and flies off.
I have errands three days a week. On the first day, I go out to buy liquor. On the second day, I head out on foot to buy a new automobile to replace the one I crashed into a telephone pole while going out to buy liquor on the first day. On the third, I get out of jail after posting bail for walking down the center of the highway on my way to buy an automobile. On the fourth, I retrieve my wrecked automobile from the tow yard and drive it home, carelessly smashing it into my new one. By the fifth day, I have run dangerously low on liquor and must make plans to replenish before things have strayed significantly from their proper three-day course.
(climbs onto comet, waves jovially, flies off)
Just the other day, whilst fastidiously maintaining a deep and protracted stupor, I was visited on a my favorite curb by a powerful spiritual entity. "You have impressed me well, Lester Vergiss, with your selfless dedication to a life of absolute purity, and I will now grant you one wish." "Immortality," I replied, "so that I might then achieve eternal sleep."
(steers comet into telephone pole, climbs out, staggers down street to another comet, flies off again)
posted by Noncommutativity at 1:11 PM
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